I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you had me at cake vodka
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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