i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
