Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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