I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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