guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
