Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
