and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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