the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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