I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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