thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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