My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
