so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
