yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
