You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
