And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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