had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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