I cannot find my penis.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
