dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
