awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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