Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
