Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
