Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
