i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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