all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
