My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
