Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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