I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
