She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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