i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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