We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
