I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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