her vagine was all disorganized.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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