ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think your dad took our porno
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
