I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
