I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
