i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize