There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
