Having a random hookup so left but love u
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
