Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Randomize
