college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
