dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize