You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Farmville is her only friend.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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