Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
