Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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