I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
