I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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