Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
