i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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