Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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