I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
