As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
