Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
