Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
