puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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