Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
