I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
