be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it's great music for shaving your balls
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
