I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
