He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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