I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
