can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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