1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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