Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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