It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
