thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
