Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
