did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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