im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize