yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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