This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
