Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
